I needed to take that break :)

Hi! It’s been a while. I am Jakub. My dear friends call me Jacob. It just stuck this way; I am not sure if I still want it that way—I just like to belong, and it makes me happy.

Before working at the summer camp… Hey, there is plenty to tell you about. I’ve been working at the summer camp in the States for the last 4 months of my life. It was my second year back there, and the people I met made this title come true.

I got my spark back. I am so happy, yet at the same time, it’s strange to feel all of it at once.

I’ve been a person who hasn’t allowed themselves to feel emotions for a while. It’s crazy because, being on this self-growth journey since I was 13, I keep giving (most of the time) the right advice to my friends, yet never to myself.

In conclusion! I’ve been working as a summer counselor, helping the youngest division of boys and dozens of other campers and counselors to develop healthy habits over the course of the summer.

Before the summer started, I told myself I needed to change something in my life.

I needed to take a break.

If you know me from 3 years ago, you know I set myself up on a life journey to help other people by creating content on social media and connecting them. It was obvious to me back then; I just wanted to meet time-worthy friends and make a space where I could comfortably be myself.

And over the last 3 years of creating content, I’ve been pushing different obstacles out of my way. I didn’t feel confident with the way I looked—going to the gym and taking care of my body by nourishing it through diet, etc., were only ways to help myself. Yet I actually needed to push myself a bit further to feel like I had control.

That was when I shared my first photo on Instagram. Then the first time recording. Talking to the camera. Putting myself visibly and, most of the time, in awkward situations: singing, dancing in public places, talking to strangers (out of a sheer idea of breaking my comfort zone and genuinely making friends with people). Now I realize I kept doing all that stuff not only to help myself but to share smiles and help others allow themselves to feel like they can do all that stuff too.

They can be confident, kind, smile more, be happy, and be awkward and goofy.

You get the point. By helping myself, I actually wanted to help others, and it’s crazy to me that it feels right for the first time saying that out loud. It worked the other way around all the time, yet having this greater mission in life keeps me alive.

But it was too much. I needed a break. I needed some space for myself to rest.

A man needs his rest. And it’s okay.

I felt exhausted and like nothing actually matters.

Have you ever heard the term “burnout”? Me too, yet I have never felt it as badly as I did over the last year. Or at least that’s what it felt like when I finally gave myself space to think and truly feel.

I think that you never know what you deeply need in your life until you actually want to work towards it.

Buying yourself a new MacBook, a pair of headphones, a new apartment, going on that vacation (you need to take breaks, don’t get me wrong on this one), going to parties to chill, or anything else that falls into that category.

When you have it, sometimes except for the rush of dopamine, there is nothing more, and you just need to find a different solution to your actual life problem that needs to be resolved.

The same was true for me. I couldn’t find a way to put myself back on track. I didn’t see any actual progress, nor did I feel like this was the way I wanted it to look.

So I took a break. I thought it was going to be a day or so, a week, a month—not a year. But it just feels right to be back now? Maybe for a while, until I start using a different tool for it. Yet now, creative writing and sharing my purpose with you to share smiles and grow together is something that pushes my life forward. It makes my heart beat.

It wouldn’t have happened if not for the right people I met. I could tell you their names, yet it just feels wrong if I miss someone for some reason.

If I haven’t yet, be sure that by meeting me in person or chatting with me in my own way, I will try to make you know that I just love you as a person for sharing kindness and smiles. For being there for me when I needed you.

This summer was quite emotional. I wasn’t crying a lot. It was a handful, though. Sometimes out of exhaustion, sadness, misunderstanding, and powerlessness, yet from what I remember, there were times of joy that brought me to tears.

Having the right people around you brings that spark back.

It makes the purpose more obvious.

The feelings and thoughts come and go, yet the purpose just stays somewhere deep inside. It’s covered with everything that has built up over the years of existence.

I feel like I needed that time to uncover it.

I feel light now, throwing away all that junk from my body, head… and soul.

I lost 22 pounds this summer (almost 10 kg); maybe that’s one of the reasons.

I took care of my body.

Joining conditioning classes that my friend was leading.

I took care of my mind.

Trying to be present in the moment.

Listening more than talking (and even if I was talking a lot, I’m telling you that it was progress well made).

I took care of my soul.

Smiling more.

Being kind, even though I felt tired.

Being there for people I love.

Pushing my friends to do crazy stuff with me.

Letting myself be awkward and not always accepted, but true to myself.

Living by the set of rules I have.

It was a time my character needed to get back in the game.

Okay. I am writing a lot, and I feel there is plenty to process here. It’s good to be on this journey to progress and to see that it’s actually worth it. Thank you for coming up to me during this summer and telling me that I helped you. Thank you for telling me that I was your friend you never had. Thank you for sending me messages, telling your journey, and just smiling more in your lives.

Thank you for being there for me! I hope I was there for you when you needed me, and you will always have a friend in me. Step by step, this heart is being healed, and it has space ready to welcome more people. I struggled with this feeling of emptiness with a bit of clutter in my heart for a while. Now it’s healed. And I am confident embarking on this journey once again.

To the kind people out there: Let’s meet. Let’s share that smile, and let’s live our lives together. Together we are stronger! Auuuuu. Like a pack of little wolves exploring this big forest of life. Okay.

Enough for today. I am all in for being back to writing now. I am happy. I am at peace.

Till the next time we meet again, hopefully weekly. – Me

I am not even checking twice what I wrote in this one. One thing is for sure—everything was from the heart.

Keep that smile, and be kind to yourself and others.

Jacob