The Right People Make The Difference
It all comes to the people you aspire to be with.
Reading time: 14 minutes
Before I start.
Here is my favorite playlist to listen to when I read or just live: for free souls
At the end of this letter, you will have my recommendations for YouTube channels, Instagram profiles, books, and podcasts. This is a huge part of our modern lives that’s why I find it so important. If you don’t want to read till the end, at least scroll to this part. Enjoy reading. 😀
Imagine a world where everyone influences everyone.
Good or bad, doesn’t matter.
If I tell you to do something or feel a certain way, you will listen to me.
The whole life starts to be ordered by other people.
We have no free will.
We can’t choose between getting out of this situation, because we are not even aware of it.
We feel comfortable with the way it all works. It has worked this way for decades so why change it now? Why should one even strive to get out of this state?
You feel okay with the place you are. Everything goes slowly in a certain direction set by others, you don’t fully know where but you trust them.
Isn’t it the way most of us lived our lives for a long time or do it so far?
It’s so easy when we don’t have to make any decisions on our own.
Even our mood depends fully on what others feel because we don’t get to define ourselves.
We blame others for all the misfortunes that happen to us. Nothing changes. Life is okay.
But what if we got out of this way of living?
This rapid river of unaddressed pain and walked on the side of it.
Or just assembled our pieces of wood and created a boat.
On which we can invite anyone that we find trustworthy to spend our lives along.
When you go with the flow and do things for ages it is hard to make any change.
That’s why we get used to misery and being mediocre. We don’t care that our friends don’t have ambitions of living in higher standards, we don’t want to travel and explore the world, we don’t want to have a purpose in life and help humanity anyway. We just want to survive.
Here comes the idea that, if we want to or not, the people that we have by our sides will always have an impact on the way we live our little lives. But to change it, we have to look at both sides of the picture. Let’s start.
The change comes from within you.
We need to disassemble the problem here.
To make people like you and stick with you, you need to be a likable person. Not sticky.
Who is a likable person? It’s not about Ryan Reynolds here. Okay, it can be.
He is full of charm and humor.
Most of us know him for his quick wit in conversation, charismatic smile, and knack for breaking the fourth wall as in the movies and reality speaking about what we so much want to hear about.
He shines with confidence and inspires people to go for it whenever they have a chance.
Was he this way all his life? Probably not.
Everything defines you. When we are children we are just like a sponge for all the information and we acquire everything we can.
Further and further we are in life the more we stop realizing that we can become something, learn new skills, and do something differently. We are told to do so. But who likes to do anything that he is told to do?
Remembering it is why we won’t work on the traits we see in the people we find so attractive, magnetic, and resonating with us.
If we want to make real change we need to start from what we can control.
Whether you find it disturbing or not, most of the problems start from the way you approach struggle and building relationships.
You can’t put the responsibility of making your life better on other shoulders.
They have their lives to figure out.
And they need people who will help them on their paths too.
That’s why if you want to meet the right people you need to become one.
Or at least embark on this life-lasting journey of becoming one.
“Never think you've arrived, always be in a constant state of becoming" Bob Dylan
These are good words describing how important is to acknowledge your imperfections and just try to get better at whatever you are doing.
It means it’s better to be in the state of becoming than treat the mission of trying as successful and abandon the whole project.
Our lives are just big projects we are working on when we feel like it and denying when it gets hard.
Don’t be like that, deal with all of it through skill acquisition, self-care, and personal development, and then you will be able to meet the people you so much want to have around you.
It’s all about the energy you have.
I am not talking about witchcraft here.
I am saying that by living in a new way, by having a new attitude toward everything we start to develop a new set of not only skills but as well the energy that one can feel from us.
When you see a confident person on the street, you might that she has everything figured out in her life. Goes to the gym 6 times a week, takes care of her nutrition, doesn’t watch social media, has her own business, or works in well paid job. You just feel the power she has. Or might have.
What if I tell you that by disassembling this example you should get that by going to the gym even once or twice a week, taking care of the things you put in your mouth, getting more aware of your social media habits, or building your own thing you can get confident too?
We assign so many traits to other people but don’t realize that if we like something in them we would like to be “the same way”. So why not to work on this?
That’s why most of the confident people stick with confident people.
That’s why solo travelers like to share experiences with fellow solo travelers.
That’s why when you walk at the gym and you see all these people, there is a high chance that they know each other already, because of the same hobby and the way it shapes them.
Work on your energy by starting with what you do in your life.
Take a deep breath and know that no matter how old are you.
Doesn’t matter if you are 15 or 85. It starts with you and your willingness to start becoming your new self with a new set of skills/traits/hobbies. They will connect you with people you want to be next to.
Stop blaming the whole world that you can’t find the right ones.
If you don’t put enough work within yourself and put yourself out there, nothing will change.
Unleash Yourself: Embrace the Potential You Have
And this leash is for each of us here defined differently.
Sometimes there are school friends, coworkers, family, gym friends, and people from our neighborhood. If you feel that it’s not you here and someone is holding you back from achieving your goals you need to reframe the way you lead your life.
Treating it as a project you already probably realized that not every pair of hands can make it better.
Sometimes people are around us because it’s just comfortable for them to be there for any of the reasons. They feel better with you, they get inspired and motivated, and they like to share their lives with you.
You will find a group of people who will always be there just to comment behind your back. Diminish whatever you are doing. At certain moments make you feel that you need them just to push you around whenever they want.
This is a skill like any other that you need to develop by acquisition.
Choosing the right people is hard.
It is not an easy task, but you do it for yourself.
And whenever you do something for yourself and your future (possibly a contributing to better future for others if you do something for humanity, as you should), you should put the highest priority to it.
You need to choose.
If you want to still be in this comfortable state of having people around you who you know, but put your ambition down, or just move away from them.
It doesn’t mean that you need to assess every friendship as give or take a deal.
Sometimes the other person is just not in the same place that you are.
They can not achieve as much as you do, but they keep you motivated and inspired.
Then it’s the time you may think about keeping them and building them up.
This is true friendship out there.
But if there are some of those that whenever you have a smile put on, they try to take it down.
Talking only about themselves, diminishing your plans and ideas, criticizing you, making fun of you, talking behind your back, making you feel less. Run. You will be fit and they will stay in the same place. At least without you. That is what matters.
Summarizing.
To meet the right people you need to become a person you or they would like to meet and have around.
Watch videos about how to get confident or charismatic.
Study people.
Journal and get yourself sorted.
Take care of your body and mind.
Go out there, work out, dance, join classes, and study life together with others.
Go to a coffee shop alone.
Go buy tickets alone to the cinema and watch a movie by yourself.
It means that you have a strong relationship with yourself and that you don’t need people that you can rely on.
Find yourself in a spot where meeting the right people will make your life happier and better, but you don’t need them to exist on your own. Don’t make it egoistical.
Be proud of who you are and what value you put out there in the world.
Being a strong personality makes you more attractive in many senses, so you will only benefit from it.
Okay, so stepping right now from how you can become better to meet the right people. Now, except where to find them is a case what should you focus on, and from what to run once again? Don’t waste your time on people who won’t make this journey even a bit better.
Who exactly are “the right people”?
Those who go by your side, no matter how far from each other you are, but whenever you are together great things happen and you build up yourselves on this journey called life.
Shortly. This is what got out of my head, and think that described it on point.
The great friendships are mutual. One benefits from another.
Those don’t need to come across as old-school friendships.
Currently, we're connecting with numerous individuals online.
Even by watching their videos, scrolling through profiles and sites, and acknowledging their work.
What if it was possible to connect with them?
With those who are confident, do all these wholesome projects and live the best lives?
By getting out there.
As mentioned before, you need to outstand yourself and outreach current self if you want to be seen or get to know people who have done it already.
It is a great thing to have someone we inspire to be like.
When you get yourself farther on your path it’s going to be much easier to connect, but this is inner work - so what know when we meet someone like it?
Be yourself. Or better be in the state of becoming the new version of yourself.
The one that aspires, acquires new skills, becomes confident, and gets on another level.
That is one of the cases why it is so hard to meet the right people.
We get to suffer doing all these mundane things day by day, so we evolve. It’s life.
Okay here are the recommendations:
I promised to deliver, so here they are.
YouTube channels:
@dankoe - self-growth, modern human mastery, speaking about everything that each of us should do to accomplish our goals and achieve something more than a mediocre life. Harsh truth only.
@maxreisinger - Max documents his life in a cinematic and direct way from the perspective of a young person, who tries to do something more with his life. I love to watch his productions.
@wholesomesimon - makes me feel that life is something more than a pursuit for something unachievable, but a journey where you can meet wonderful people and be true to yourself
@valspirefamily - didn’t watch too many productions, but love the guy! he got married to a girl he just met, left everything to go live on a sailboat, and speaks about how to truly feel alive.
@nataliexlynn - young, bold, ambitious, mad girl, adventurous, fearless girl who embarked on a journey to create to capture all the sides of life. she’s simply amazing. <3
@josephtsar - create videos about being well-spoken, better at communication, mastering rhetoric, and speech, and learning ways to express yourself with a language.
Instagram profiles:
@ceispoetry - poetry is the language I love, she creates content in English and Spanish writing words with a heart and giving them meaning which impacts hidden layers.
@openboundariesofficial - creates videos that can astound with the message, the montage is lit, and going aligns with the way he speaks about personal growth and what he is going through… <3
@lialiagla - speaks openly about self-care, is a gracious human being, inspires, and makes a difference. If you want to listen about taking care of your mind and self, watch her videos.
@cmduplain - about leaving the online space to catch up with reality, gives clarity in a world of digital distractions making it all work.
@cameronrosin - life close to nature, real daily meditation, a clear mind, and making it all work by being truthful to yourself.
@brock11johnson - everything about modern marketing, creating catching attention videos, how to operate on Instagram and social media, likes dancing
@tomnoske - direct message everyone needs to hear who creates a personal brand online
@elleneverettpoetry - speaking in poetry about life and our intrinsic needs, makes life more beautiful with words and the meaning we start seeking by watching here videos.
@irinaexperience - just discovered, that she inspires showing life without consuming but creating, shows reality we all so need to see, and gives motivates documenting her life.
@jakubsznajder_ - creates personal growth content to inspire people to get more out of life, speaks about mistakes as a part of human nature, cutting off distractions, and living true to yourself.
@garyvee - a simple guy, speaks about kindness being the way to live life, getting out there and trying, because you are young, and now is the time to start
Spotify podcasts:
@Jakub Sznajder Podcast- about being a young man trying to explore life bit by bit, sharing his deep thoughts about personal growth and adventuring through all the projects he is creating
@Lex Fridman Podcast - a great space to listen about science, technology, history, philosophy, and the nature of intelligence, consciousness, love, and power. Great guy with great guests.
@Huberman Lab - discusses neuroscience in human behavior with scientists, and well-spoken and minded guests creating a space to get to know yourself better as a human being.
Books worth reading:
“101 Essays That Will Change the way you think” by Brianna Wiest - a book that concludes all the self-improvement journeys all of us join, summarizing relationships, self-care, soul topics, growth, and totally everything tbh. It’s written in the style of some chapters, but as well as “50 advice from an old person to younger self”, “Expectations you must let go in your 20s” etc. It’s amazing. <3
“How to win friends and influence people” by Dale Carnegie - is about creating friendships, how people deal with each other, and the way to be a great friend and better listener, all about human behavior and ways to make friends with others
“How to Stop Worrying and start living” by Dale Carnegie - the title concludes it, well written, my first self-growth book and I would only stick to this one for a long time. Great piece to understand how our mind works, how to get things done when we are scared, and how to live a better life.
I can write plenty of titles but want to get to the finish line.
That’s it. Thank you for today. And stick for more.
If you want to check out more of the content I am creating:
X - space for me to get out there in my daily self-written threads, get inspired, and think a little bit more about what’s happening inside of our heads.
Instagram - here I talk about personal growth and trying new things creating a community of people who are not scared of getting out there and taking more joy out of this life
TikTok - more quick daily or late-night talks
YouTube - the place where I (will) document the journey of projects and mistakes I make along the way of my life, doing it in a little bit cinematic sharing meaning, and trying to inspire you to live truly to yourself.
See you in the next one!
Keep that smile. It's going to work out.
Jakub Sznajder